Our Family Bed

Co-sleeping or having a 'family bed' seems to be a hot topic for moms. It's 70/30 across the board, with the moms I hang out with, on having children co-sleep . (70% FOR 30% AGAINST) I would say that more dads want their beds back than moms. The reasoning for each side makes sense not and there are good points for each not. I love getting asked "So is your 4 year old still sleeping with you?" And when I give my response of "Sometimes" I am usually met with some type of sympathy like my child has some illness but not to worry "She'll grow out of it soon." or I get to hear about what a struggle it was for them to get their own child into another room/bed. It is annoying to be treated like I must have something wrong with me like weak willpower or my child somehow lacks the independent gene. I do not think anyone stops to think that this is actually a choice, or that I have already gone through all of this with older children A DECADE before these moms were even rowing the motherhood boat, sigh. Then there is the statement "You're still breastfeeding!" as if I am committing a crime. I'm going to give you one guess as to why women have boobs... and if you are worried about my breastfeeding it is probably because you didn't breastfeed your children and if you did it was only for a few weeks or maybe a couple months at best and then you got lazy and sucked into the bottle hype and convinced yourself that bottle feeding was OK and gave yourself a pat on the back for the weeks/months that you lasted. The usual copouts, I mean reasons for quitting breastfeeding are "My milk dried up." "The baby wasn't getting enough milk." and "The baby wasn't latching on." I wish moms didn't lie I wish they said the truth like "Damn breastfeeding was so hard with bloody nipples and all" or "I'm too lazy to breastfeed" or "My friends didn't breastfeed so instead of supporting me in my quest to breastfeed they brought me down and told me that a bottle was better and I caved from peer pressure" Just be honest, dang.

Anyway back to the title of this post- I personally have had all 4 of my children sleep in my bed until they were old enough or ready to move onto their own bed but whenever they need to come back, they are welcome. I still breastfeed my 18 month old so he is next to me at night and sometimes our 4 year old gets in bed with us too. We are starting to plan our sons move to his bedroom, which he will share with his sister, in the next 6 months or so but if he stays with us then so be it. I'm sure that some of my passion comes from the fact that I was constantly kicked out of my parents bed and even when I was scared and wanted to sleep on their floor I ended up getting ushered back to my bedroom, scared and all. I chuck it up to my parents being alcoholics and working 'Vegas Hours' to the fact that they did not comfort me the way I wanted or needed, night or day, but that is a whole other story. So growing up and knowing that even when I got scared at night from the dark or a bad dream I was unable to find comfort from my parents. Most people would say that I was taught to "self soothe" (which I refer to as crap) and no I didn't. We carry children around in our warm tummies constantly talking to them and when they are born they are breastfed (or at least should be) and then what? We put them in a room down the hallway and left there to 'self soothe' because otherwise they maybe spoiled? Their little tummies have to eat every 2 hours and moms out there get upset and think babies should be 'trained' as if they are dogs... It makes me upset that this is how babies and children are treated. When Jesus was born did Mary and Joseph request a stall 5 doors down from theirs for Jesus to sleep in so that he could learn to 'self soothe' and that way his parents could get some sleep? NO! Babies need us! They cry because you, their mom, dad, the person that loves and cares for them, are warm and loving and you feed them- OF COURSE THEY WANT TO BE WITH YOU, duh. If anything you are teaching them that when they cry you will not be there for them. How can babies communicate with us? They cry when they need something and you are ignoring them to 'teach them to self soothe'. I can't believe that this is acceptable to parents. Sure I have had nights where I don't get a ton of sleep but my children are my priority and their happiness is so important to me. I want them to know that I am here, their dad is here, this is their home and whenever they need us they are welcome to jump in bed and snuggle up. It's called parenthood and sleepless nights are part of it just like bumped knees, dances, and report cards. If your sleep is more of a priority over your child's happiness and comfort then maybe you should reconsider having more children. This does not last forever, kids grow fast. I know that teaching kids to sleep in their room sometimes needs guidance and encouragement and its not easy (remember that I have older kids too) but my point is that you shouldn't kick your kids out of your bed or act as if they have disturbed you when they NEED their parents love and arms. Love your kids, tomorrow is not promised and I personally will always take a snuggle from my family whether its 3pm or 3am :)