Two weeks ago my mom went into ICU with critical heart failure and went onto a ventilator and was sedated. I haven't talked with my mom (I have talked a lot TO her) in the last 2 weeks but I feel like our relationship has changed dramatically. I was so angry with her before for not being the 'perfect mom' or notmaking what I thought was great decisions while she was raising me. I have had a lot of anger bulit up that I could not move past... until now. Seeing my mom in a position where her passing is a high probablility and not being able to communicate with her has made all of those things I thought were a big deal, small.
I have been, and still am, scared that I may not ever be able to let her know how much she is actually loved and appreciated by all of us. I realized that if she wasn't the mom she was then- I wouldn't be the mom I am today. So actually I owe her a huge apology for being upset. She didn't do all of this on purpose, although her health she could have treated better. I know that she did not plan all of these things to happen and all I can do now is tell her that I love her and hope she hears me. If I am lucky enough to get to talk with her again I won't take it for granted!
My mother in law flew across the country to be with our family while we try to navigate doctor meeting and trips to a hospital 40 min away to see my mom. I wish that my in laws lived here and times like this make me wish they lived here even more! I don't want to have our family spread out across the country, I want all of us to live on the same street (think Everybody Loves Raymond lol)
So I haven't been able to blog lately because my Three Ring Life is more than just a title!
